The Jewish Wedding
Everything
you wanted to know about
a Jewish wedding... or at least ours.
Before
the Ceremony
Signing the Ketubah
The ketubah is the Jewish legal contract that states the obligations of
the groom to his bride in marriage, death, and divorce.
The ketubah itself can be a simple document, or a customized work
of art. Ross
and Kathy’s ketubah was designed and painted by a local artist.
They personally worked with the artist to create a unique design
that contained many Jewish symbols that were meaningful to them. Prior to the wedding
ceremony the rabbi will ask the groom and bride in the presence of two
unrelated Jewish witnesses to accept the responsibilities written in the
ketubah. The two witnesses then sign the contract in which the groom
promises to provide food, shelter, and conjugal relations to his bride.
During the ceremony the groom will present the ketubah to his
bride. After the ceremony the bride and groom are allowed to live together
only if the bride has the ketubah in her possession and knows where it is
at all times. Many couples
will display the ketubah in their new home.
B’ Deken di Kelle – “Veiling
of the Bride”
Prior to the ceremony, the groom lowers the face veil of the bride.
By covering his bride with the veil, he sets her apart from all
others. Wearing a veil dates
back to biblical times. When
Rebekah saw Issac approaching her across the fields where she was guarding
her father’s sheep, she asked, “What man is that?”
When she was told that he was her promised bridegroom, she drew her
veil over her head and covered her face in modesty.
The tradition of the groom lowering the veil also came from ancient
times. The most deceptive
wedding veil was the one used by Laban to completely cover his oldest
daughter, Leah. Laban
successfully passed her off to Jacob as Rachel, the woman he really wanted
to marry. Since then, the groom lowers the veil of his bride himself to
make sure he is marrying the woman that he truly wants.
The
Ceremony
The Processional
The
Jewish processional is slightly different than traditional American
processionals. The rabbi
enters first, followed by the bride’s grandparents, then the groom’s
grandparents. Following the grandparents, the ushers and best man walk down
the aisle before the groom and his parents are introduced together.
Both the bride and groom are escorted by their fathers and mothers.
To lead their children to the chuppah is considered to be a
parent’s highest joy and honor. Continuing
the processional is the bridesmaids, maid/matron of honor, and last (but
not least) the bride and her parents.
The groom will come and meet his bride halfway down the aisle and
then walks her toward the chuppah. The
melody Lohengrin (Here comes the bride) is not used during a Jewish
wedding, instead more appropriate Isreali melody is played.
Wagner, a notorious anti-Semite, wrote Lohengrin, and the melody
celebrates a mystical Christian union that was never consummated.
This really isn’t the right feeling one wants to use during a
Jewish wedding. The song that
will be played is “Erev Shel Shoshanim” or “Evening
of Roses”, a beautiful sounding Israeli song often used at Jewish
weddings. Finally, with a
Jewish processional, ushers are not really necessary since guests seat
themselves wherever they wish (ie. there is no groom’s side or bride’s
side).
The Chuppah
The
chuppah is the wedding canopy that the bride and groom will get married
under. The wedding canopy
symbolizes the new home the bride and groom will create.
All four of the walls of their home will be open, so visitors from
the community would know they were welcome.
The wedding party usually accompanies the bride and groom under the
chuppah showing their love and support for the couple.
The Wedding Service
A Jewish wedding service is actually composed of two separate
ceremonies, the Erusin (engagement ceremony) and the Nissuin (wedding
ceremony). The Erusin
ceremony contains the Birkat Erusin (betrothal blessing), Kiddushin,
exchanging the ring, and reading of the ketubah. The Nissuin ceremony contains the Sheva Berachot (the Seven
Blessings), Kiddushin, and breaking the glass.
Kiddushin
This
is a blessing over wine. The
groom will first take a sip from the Kiddish Cup and passes it to his
bride who then takes a sip from it. Drinking
from the same cup represents the bride and groom are ready to share their
life together. The Kiddushin
is also repeated a second time during the Nissuin ceremony.
The Ring
Jewish law requires that the ring must be an un-pierced band of a
single pure metal with no precious stones.
This is necessary so there is no dispute over the value of the
ring. The ring also must be a
whole, continuous circle, which represents the union of two people and
their everlasting life together. Traditionally,
only the groom places a ring on the bride’s right index finger.
When placing the ring, he recites “Behold, thou art consecrated
unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.”
The right index finger is used because this finger contains an
artery directly connected to the heart.
In modern times, a double ring ceremony may be performed.
Here the bride places a ring on the groom’s right index finger
and recites “Ani le dodi ve’ dodi li” (I am my beloved’s and my
beloved is mine). Once the
bride accepts the ring the marriage is legal under Jewish law.
Sheva Berachot (The Seven Blessings)
These are the blessings that are said over the second cup of wine.
Each blessing has its own significant meaning. The first is for the wine, the second is in the honor of the
wedding guests, the third celebrates the creation of Adam, the fourth,
fifth, and sixth bless the couple’s marriage, and the seventh is in the
honor of Israel and the wedding couple.
Click here for the complete text of the seven blessings.
Breaking the Glass
After
the rabbi proclaims the bride and groom husband and wife, he places a
glass under the right foot of the groom.
The groom then crushes it while all of the wedding guests exclaim
“Mazel Tov!” (which means congratulations and/or good luck).
The breaking of the glass reminds the couple how fragile life is.
Another symbolism of the glass is the remembrance of the
destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem.
It is important for the bride and the groom to remember the sadness
and suffering of the Jewish people even during simchas (joyous occasions).
The broken glass can be saved and used for a mezuzah for couples
new home or framed in a shadow box that the couple can hang in their new
house.
The Recessional
The
wedding party walks back up the aisle to the guests’ joyous singing and
clapping to “Siman Tov U’mazel Tov!” or “Good Fortune
and Good Luck!” The
guests then follow the wedding party out into the lobby for the start of
the cocktail hour.
"Siman
tov u’mazal tov, u’mazal tov v’siman tov (3x)
Y’hey lanu.
Y’hey lanu, y’hey lanu u’l’chol Yisrael" (4x)
After the Ceremony
Yichud (Seclusion)
Traditionally the bride and groom start fasting at sundown the day
before the wedding. After the ceremony is completed, the bride and groom retire
to a private room where they break the fast together. Historically this is when the new couple consummates their
marriage. In modern times,
the Yichud allows the couple time to reflect on the events that have just
taken place. While the bride
and groom are enjoying their precious moments of peace, the wedding guests
begin the cocktail hour. The
Yichud replaces the tedious and time-consuming receiving line.
Once the bride and groom leave their private moment together, they
rejoin their wedding guests at the cocktail hour.
The
Reception
Dancing the Hora/L’Sameach
Chatan V’Kallah
To
begin the reception, the bride and groom are publicly introduced as
husband and wife. The couple
is then whisked to the center of the room for energetic and enthusiastic
“dancing the Hora” (circle dancing).
At one point the bride and groom are lifted up into the air in
individual chairs. Each grabs
onto the side of his or her chair while attempting to hold a corner of the
same hanker-chief. The
hanker-chief symbolizes their union but does not disobey the rules of
tznuit (modesty) because their hands do not touch.
When the chairs are brought down, the bride and groom go to the
bridal table for the motzi (blessing over the challah (bread) ).
Finally the couple sits down for a few moments to enjoy the meal. In between courses and dancing the bride and groom visit each
table and greet their guests.
Bridal Dance
Although this is not a Jewish tradition, this is a tradition among
Kathy’s family. The bridal
dance is a Polish tradition that dates back many centuries.
During the reception, the bride takes a few minutes to dance with
any guest who wants to. It is
customary to donate money to the newlywed couple for the privilege of the
dance. This is a very nice tradition that allows the bride to spend
a personal moment with each guest.